I'm incredibly boring. All I wanna do is walk around and take photos of the clouds. But in the photos they never look quite like they do in real life, so I haven't the slightest idea what the point is. Nor why I keep on doing it. I'm stupid that way. Just like I never stop picking at people; and let them pick at me. Stupid. People are like clouds. Nice from a distance.
Anyway, my feeling is not an alcoholic hangover; a moral one, if anything, perhaps as a reaction to a rainy night. I spent a wonderful half an hour the other day. After that big storm, when the rain passed and all the rats went into hiding, the city was wonderfully fresh and empty. The rain washed away all the dirt, it was still summertime warm, the sun relented a bit, and subdued lighting was perfect.
I could walk to the end of the world. Just me, left and right, my feet and my earphones, and these streets like the veins of a city that I love so much. I know the world stumbles over itself looking for happiness, but happiness is overrated. It's moments of perfection that feed the tapeworm living in the void inside of me. The moments that bring the feeling of being at peace, with yourself and with the world here and now.
Self-sabotage is my favourite sport. Don't pick at me, seriously. I won't peel like an onion until you reach the point, because there is no point. This is it, sorry. Buy me some ice cream and give me a list of questions you want answers to and I'll see what I can do. No promises, though. What's my biggest problem ? Oh, that's simple, occasional fits of self-loathing. Fuel for all my self-sabotage. I internalise everything and take everything personally. If I explode outwards, you haven't the slightest idea what kind of implosion is going on inside me. How self-centered of me! /s
There, enough with the mirrors. It's interesting that I actually almost never notice mirrors. I have to remind myself to look in the mirror while I'm washing my hands. I just ... forget. Or I'm looking into my own eyes. I'm almost obsessed with keeping things in order, yet I do so little to to maintain control.
Nothing new.